Take Me Back (Deja Vu) -- For @crawlingbackwards

[california_dreaming]

Hawkins, Indiana. Friday, June 30th, 1995.

Ten years ago to the day a young lifeguard was kidnapped by her coworker from the pool, an act that ultimately led to hear death. Ten years and one day ago, the life of a particular asshole from California had been changed forever. Later on he'd blown out of town, not looking back, unable to face the horrors that the now infamously cursed town had in store.

A bit under a year later he read newspapers about a state of emergency that almost made him get back in his beat Ford Escort and drive back. But no. Nothing could ever get him to go back to that hellhole. That's what he told himself.

Hilarious that ten years to the day that his life had been ruined he had done just that, holing up in a hotel for some sleep to recover before what would be yet another life changing weekend in the cursed town. His ten year high school reunion. Hell, Billy didn't even know for sure just how the invitation had gotten to him. Someone must have found his contact information, because it had come and for a laugh he'd agreed.

Mostly because it was long past due when he should check in on Max, and he'd heard she might be in town checking on Susan. The drive was nice too. Good for inspiration. He'd taken it slower than the trip back to California, stopping at points with great views, hauling out a sketchbook, and getting ideas down on paper when he needed it. Never knew when some small detail would create something beautiful. Or terrible. Worked either way. Still gets into town, crashes on the couch in Susan's place after a meal (she'd actually gotten a bit better at cocking, who could have expected it), and then prepares for what comes next.


Billy Hargrove knows how to make an entrance. Has already made one in this small town before, but he does it now for old time's sake. Waits until he'll be half an hour late, so he can ensure all eyes are on him. If he's going to be back in this place of nightmares and memories, he wanted to live out some of the good ones. Which means tearing into the school parking lot in his blue and white Chevy Chevelle, engine roaring, music blaring. Barely anyone is outside of the school building, already headed into the gym, but the few who are...

Oh the looks he gets. They know this entrance. They know what it means. And before he even gets out of the car he knows there are whispers. But he does get out, smooths his fitted and well worn jeans over his legs as he does so. Back then he'd be in some shirt he hadn't bothered to do up all the way. These days he's still too mindful of old scars, choosing instead to have one where he can have the sleeves up and the buttons all done, like self respect. After a moment to psych himself up he gets out and makes for the gym.

"Well damn, Carol, you sure aged like fine wine," he says as he comes to a stop at the check in desk, smiling down at her. She looks so shocked. Like she can't believe he's here. Neither can Billy. But he keeps smiling and she reaches for a badge that is really deep in the box, like no one expected it to be needed.

"You too," she says as she hands it up. "Like what you did with your hair."

Billy reaches up, considers the curls. They're bleached more blonde than ever from all the sun back home, just as changed by California as he had been. But when he touches it he almost laughs. Apparently he'd forgotten to pull his hair out of the sloppy bun he'd put it in earlier while helping tidy a bit around Susan's place. Even reaches for the tie when Carol shakes her head.

"Oh no. Leave it like that," she grins. "You look tasty."

And Billy laughs as he accepts the passed over name tag so he can affix it to his shirt.

"When have I not been a snack?" he asks before nodding to Carol. "See you inside later."

Then he heads past her into the gym and feels the eyes turning on him.

Billy Hargrove had come back to Hawkins High School. Now he just needed to make it through the night. Maybe it would be easier this time, because so much of the old arrogance and steel had been worked off of him, just leaving a softer, happier man in its place.

Comments

[california_dreaming]

"Wheeler? Why are you talking to your ex-girlfriend about playing cards?"

Because he doesn't get that Nancy Wheeler has a kid brother. Yeah, he cared that little about those kids around Max in the past. "I'll try and encourage this Will kid then."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Wha-no not Nancy, her younger brother. Mike. He's one of the brats that Max runs around with. Tall, lanky, totally trying to be a mini-Munson." He tries to hide his grin a bit by taking a drink from his own coffee. "Nancy's been up in New York for a while now, went off to NYU and she's been trying to get into journalism. Still."

"He'll love it, if he doesn't explode from embarrassment first. Kid can still be pretty shy, when he's not being a total gremlin."

How did his life become so wrapped up in all these kids? Still after all this time he found himself talking about everyone else more than himself.

[california_dreaming]

"Artists can be shy," he says with a shrug. That's just how it goes sometimes. He considers and then opens his sketchbook and slides it over to Steve.

It's a sketch of a man in full knighthood armor, with a shield and a blade. And the guy, swinging the blade, looks a bit like Steve.

"Sometimes you can use it to embrace your interests."

[crawlingbackwards]

"I could never imagine you as shy," Shaking his head he leaned over a bit, making sure to hold the mug away from the sketchpad as he looked the sketch over. At first Steve was more focused on the details that were there, the sword, shield, armor....it took a moment before he actually looked at the subject. When he did however it wasn't hard to see the resemblance, and he'd be lying if he wasn't at least a little flattered.

"He's...he talked to me a little after they got back from Cali...Dustin caught Eddie and I in a...compromising situation and apparently told Will. The kid just needed someone who understood what he was going through. In a small town like this, you know how hard that can be. I bet you talking to him will be great."

[california_dreaming]

Billy laughs. Yeah, that's a good point there. He was never very interested in being shy. Eyes on him, caring about him, acting like his existence mattered? That'd been how he'd lived his life since he was about ten.

"Eddie? Eddie Munson? Huh. Yeah, that scans. Just wouldn't think Steve Harrington would hit it off with Eddie Munson. Guess you really have changed a lot."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Look," Steve laughed and shook his head. "Eddie and I...I mean he was fun and made me laugh. Not to mention all the shit we were going through. Can you believe this guy tried to convince me to try and win Nancy back? Then when that wasn't happening...one thing led to another...led to Dustin barging into Eddie's trailer with his hands up my shirt...talk about awkward."

Steve laughs because the memory is easily one of his favorites. Dustin was only outraged because the two hadn't told him that there had been anything going on.

"We broke things off when he decided to leave Hawkin's though. Figured he deserved to be free while they were off touring. We're still good friends. Keeps joking he's gonna kidnap Lizzie to take her on tour with him."

[california_dreaming]

Win that prude Wheeler back? Fuck no, Harrington could do a hell of a lot better than that. But for now he's laughing because that's a whole image to consider. Steve Harrington being all pretty and embarrassed.

"So the only reason you two aren't doing the horizontal tango on the regular is because he went off to chase fame? Interesting."

[crawlingbackwards]

"I mean, I guess? That and because for all he's great with kids...he isn't sure he wants to be a dad. Something about not wanting to be his dad or something." Crossing his arms in front of himself Steve sighed and took a drink from his coffee.

"But enough about my failed loved life, what about you? Anyone back in Cali you're looking forward to getting back to?" Sorry Billy, he's been around girls too long. Talking about stuff like romance and love lives just sort of comes to him now since it was always what he and Robin would talk about. Even Nancy started coming to him later in life to talk about things, that was awkward enough.

[california_dreaming]

Doesn't want to be a dad? Huh, what a thing to think about. Steve Harrington wants to be a dad. Well, that's clear, he's got a kid. But it hadn't ever been something Billy would have expected.

"Nah," Billy admits. "It gets hard, you know? The sort of art I do, the things I draw when I'm stressed, the scars, the nightmares, hard to share all of that with someone. Was with a guy for a while, Justin, and it was bad at the end. Caught him fucking a chick in our bed."

He'd had hope. IT was clearly pointless to seek for it though. It wasn't something he needed he supposed.

[crawlingbackwards]

If Billy had stuck around longer he probably wouldn't be all that surprised by the idea that Steve Harrington was definitely a family man at heart.

"Ouch," Steve winced, a sympathetic sort of look crossing his features. "I get it though, it's hard enough when you don't have to worry about the nightmares and monsters. When you don't have to explain why you get jumpy when the lights flicker or something." Shaking his head Steve stared down at his coffee cup.

"But cheating like that? No excuse." He hated cheaters, had since he was younger. Watching his dad do the same thing only for his mom to stay with him because divorce meant losing a lot more than just sticking around. "Bad enough he did it period but in your own bed? That's fucked up."

[california_dreaming]

Flickering lights? That wasn't one that Billy got. No, his problem was just the plain old dark. And other things.

"I can't do the cold well, or really hot, steamy places either. I get nervous around cleaning supplies. And don't even get me started on shadows cast on walls. It's hard to have all these... these reactions and I don't even have words about them. I can't talk about them because I signed a damn piece of paper."

And it just made life so hard that he didn't know what to do with himself when the hard parts hit. He couldn't talk about it. Sometimes he drank, but he tried hard not to fall back on that as a coping method.

"I mean, it was his bed too. Pretty sure it didn't matter where he did it, just that he did."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Gotta admit, hindsight I kinda wish you'd stuck around. We all sorta helped each other learn to cope with things. Better than the appointed therapist they tried having me and Robin go to." Steve shook his head a bit.

"I heard someone speaking Russian on a radio broadcast once and about crashed my car...so...yeah...I get it."

Draining his coffee, Steve sighed and shook his head. "Definitely doesn't matter where, still shitty no matter what. I hate cheating...I told my ex that I would rather she just left me than cheat on me...apparently she decided to leave me and her daughter."

[california_dreaming]

Perhaps they had, but Billy never would have felt that comfort from other people. Not here. Not where he was loathed by all but Max. Getting away was the only choice he had, now or in retrospect.

"I'm sorry about that, Steve. That sort of stuff, I..."

How can he say that sometimes he understands it? Like what happened with his mother? How he would have understood if she had been cheating like Neil thought. But in most situations...

"I'm sorry. You don't deserve that. A kid even less."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Heh, don't worry about it. I've gotten over it and Liz...I mean I don't talk bad about her mom and she has no shortage of love or strong female rolemodels so, I think we're good. If her mom comes around and decides she wants to be in the picture then sure...but until then she has her family around her a lot." Steve shrugs, surprisingly more okay with everything than he thought he'd be.

It's nice, talking with Billy. Talking with another guy who isn't just Eddie or one of the 'brats'. Yes he knows they're adults now but still.

It's different.

"So, after this think you'll make an appearance in town more often? I mean obviously it's really far from Cali but...bet Max would like it."

[california_dreaming]

Of course he worries about it. Billy knows just how he ended up with his mother abandoning him. But there were differences. He'd been older and known her better before she left. And there had been Neil. If one thing had always been clear, it was that Steve Harrington was most definitely not like Neil Hargrove.

But when Steve brings up 'being in town more often' Billy shudders. Clearly that's not something he's thought of at all.

"No. No I can't do that. Being here is... hard enough. Don't know that I'll even sleep properly tonight. Didn't sleep well last night. And it's not like the little firecracker even lives in Hawkins at this point. I need... I need the sea and the sun to feel sane, Steve. I can't be where there's cold. I can't do long nights. I need to feel warmth baked into my skin, I need to be able to retreat to the waves. Some days it feels like it's the only thing keeping me sane. Like the art isn't enough."

[crawlingbackwards]

There's a sort of sad look that passes over Steve's face, but only for a flash before it's gone and he's nodding. He gets it, he understands not wanting to be in the cold and dark too much. If anything he understood that more than a lot of them did. In his eyes Billy was lucky though, he didn't feel like he was tied to this cursed place. He didn't feel like it wouldn't be right to leave.

Billy had been right, the kids were adults now. His parents had permanently moved to Chicago after everything happened in Hawkins, Nancy had gone off to school, same with Jonathan and Robin. Why couldn't he leave like they did? Why did he feel like he had to stay? Probably because everyone else had left. Even with his uncle here, Eddie came back to town maybe once or twice a year around holidays.

"Y-yeah, no I get it," He starts, sort of clearing his throat as his hands gripped the warm mug, rolling it between his palms a moment while looking around the diner. "I've been thinking about it a bit. Jonathan, Will, and El all talk about California and how the sun and beach were so nice. I've...never actually been to the beach. Even back when we'd go on vacations it was always just to some fancy city or some ski resort thing with dad's friends."

[california_dreaming]

Well hell, pretty boy, never seen the beach? Billy looks absolutely scandalized by that little bit of information. In fact, he’s very offended.

“Then do it this summer. Come to California. I know all the good places. Your little girl shouldn’t grow up as ocean deprived as you. You’re a teacher, so you can probably get out of teaching summer school, right? No reason you can’t drive out and enjoy it too.”

Not saying come see him. That would be silly. No one ever does that. No one really knew very well where he was after all. But California in general was better than this haunted place.

“Besides, looks like you could use a tan yourself.”

[crawlingbackwards]

Steve starts with a small laugh before nodding.

"That could be fun, I might need you to show me around. Better to have a local show me around right?" Sure Billy hadn't suggested it but, Steve would. He could probably ask Jonathan but things with him were still...weird. Both having been in a relationship with the same girl and basically hating each other for years didn't help. Even if Steve genuinely liked the guy these days he knew Jonathan still had his own hang ups.

"Also I'm going to ignore that you basically just called me pale." He added with another laugh.

[california_dreaming]

Baby Byers and Miss Jane could probably show him around too. But not like Billy. Not like someone who lives for salt air and has feet toughened up from walking on the hot sand with regularity.

“You can ignore it all you want. Doesn’t make you any less pale, beautiful,” he says with a smile. “Or do you mean to show me your tan lines to prove you’re not?”

[crawlingbackwards]

"Wha-" Steve does turn a color at that, definitely red creeping over his ears and the high points of his cheeks. "Too bad I don't have any to show off, maybe after a summer at the beach that'd be a different story though."

Oh he was definitely not against this. Sure they had to be more careful while surrounded by so many people but apparently Billy wasn't as reserved when it was just them at a diner late at night, not that Steve's complaining. Sure he's been called pretty boy and stuff like that but beautiful is a new one, even when he and Robin go to Indianapolis and some of the bars out there he doesn't get called beautiful.

It's nice.

[california_dreaming]

Beautiful accurate than handsome, and honestly, more appropriate to Steve’s age at that. Though he is glad that Steve got what he was getting at. It was nice, to see that maybe his old high school crush might once have considered giving him the time of day when he most needed it. If he wasn’t an asshole.

Ten years late wasn’t bad though.

“Oh yeah, definitely pale and soft like porcelain. Makes sense. Sees like no one around here has been appreciating that properly, though. Real pity. You’d go over like you wouldn’t believe back in California.”

[crawlingbackwards]

Granted, had Billy tried anything back in high school Steve might have freaked out more at the time. At least before he met Robin and before he figured out a lot more about himself. Now though, oh now he could drink up the compliments and the flirting.

"I mean, I get more appreciation in Indianapolis than here but I can imagine it'd be even better so far from home. Somewhere no one really knows me...I can be...me with more than just my close friends."

"That being said I feel like I'd stand out like a sore thumb next to you, I remember when you worked at the pool for the summer. You wanna talk about people falling all over themselves, I didn't get that sort of attention when I used to be a life guard."

[california_dreaming]

Of course he would have. Billy had been so far in the closet when he was a teen that he’d basically been in Narnia. Hell, Narnia wasn’t even far to cover where he’d been. His father had beaten him back in so far that he hadn’t even accepted Tommy’s shy attempts behind closed doors.

“It’s not that you’d be appreciated more because you’re far away. You’d be appreciated as much as you deserve. If you thought you were popular with girls there, you will not be able to believe how popular you’d be out there.”

Though from his smile, it’s clear someone is appreciating him here. Enough that he almost missed the other comments. Sore thumb? What?

“Yeah, well, I knew how to work my assets. I think maybe you were working yours the wrong way.”

[crawlingbackwards]

"I mean, it's nice but...also not the goal I guess? I mean don't get me wrong, I like a compliment as much as the next guy but...." He just shrugs before continuing. "I think other things."

Things like Billy, and of course going to the beach with his daughter. It was something his parents hadn't been interested in when he was young, but he wanted his girl to have a better life than he did. One that wasn't deprived of as much as he was. Not that his life was tough, his family had money and spent holidays in other countries...but that mostly stopped once he was old enough to stay by himself without causing a fuss. That wouldn't happen with Liz.

"I mean, I also ended up with other things on my mind I guess. We all did. Helped that you were the new and interesting hot guy in town. Nice car, nice looks, nice smile..." There's a bit of a grin as he shakes his head. "Maybe I'll give you my number? Call you when I'm looking to head that way with Lizzie and you can show us around?"

[california_dreaming]

New and interesting? Billy laughs. Yeah, he'd made sure he was fucking interesting. How else was he supposed to get the attention he never got at home? Perhaps that was something that had made them similar back then. That they had been desperate for attention, any attention at all. Trying to replace what their personal lives could never offer them.

But that's in the past. For now he's smiling over the looks and the smile. Sure he doesn't quite look the same these days, but that smile is still flawless.

"What's this? Giving the number up so easily, beautiful? I usually have to work a bit longer for some digits."