Take Me Back (Deja Vu) -- For @crawlingbackwards

[california_dreaming]

Hawkins, Indiana. Friday, June 30th, 1995.

Ten years ago to the day a young lifeguard was kidnapped by her coworker from the pool, an act that ultimately led to hear death. Ten years and one day ago, the life of a particular asshole from California had been changed forever. Later on he'd blown out of town, not looking back, unable to face the horrors that the now infamously cursed town had in store.

A bit under a year later he read newspapers about a state of emergency that almost made him get back in his beat Ford Escort and drive back. But no. Nothing could ever get him to go back to that hellhole. That's what he told himself.

Hilarious that ten years to the day that his life had been ruined he had done just that, holing up in a hotel for some sleep to recover before what would be yet another life changing weekend in the cursed town. His ten year high school reunion. Hell, Billy didn't even know for sure just how the invitation had gotten to him. Someone must have found his contact information, because it had come and for a laugh he'd agreed.

Mostly because it was long past due when he should check in on Max, and he'd heard she might be in town checking on Susan. The drive was nice too. Good for inspiration. He'd taken it slower than the trip back to California, stopping at points with great views, hauling out a sketchbook, and getting ideas down on paper when he needed it. Never knew when some small detail would create something beautiful. Or terrible. Worked either way. Still gets into town, crashes on the couch in Susan's place after a meal (she'd actually gotten a bit better at cocking, who could have expected it), and then prepares for what comes next.


Billy Hargrove knows how to make an entrance. Has already made one in this small town before, but he does it now for old time's sake. Waits until he'll be half an hour late, so he can ensure all eyes are on him. If he's going to be back in this place of nightmares and memories, he wanted to live out some of the good ones. Which means tearing into the school parking lot in his blue and white Chevy Chevelle, engine roaring, music blaring. Barely anyone is outside of the school building, already headed into the gym, but the few who are...

Oh the looks he gets. They know this entrance. They know what it means. And before he even gets out of the car he knows there are whispers. But he does get out, smooths his fitted and well worn jeans over his legs as he does so. Back then he'd be in some shirt he hadn't bothered to do up all the way. These days he's still too mindful of old scars, choosing instead to have one where he can have the sleeves up and the buttons all done, like self respect. After a moment to psych himself up he gets out and makes for the gym.

"Well damn, Carol, you sure aged like fine wine," he says as he comes to a stop at the check in desk, smiling down at her. She looks so shocked. Like she can't believe he's here. Neither can Billy. But he keeps smiling and she reaches for a badge that is really deep in the box, like no one expected it to be needed.

"You too," she says as she hands it up. "Like what you did with your hair."

Billy reaches up, considers the curls. They're bleached more blonde than ever from all the sun back home, just as changed by California as he had been. But when he touches it he almost laughs. Apparently he'd forgotten to pull his hair out of the sloppy bun he'd put it in earlier while helping tidy a bit around Susan's place. Even reaches for the tie when Carol shakes her head.

"Oh no. Leave it like that," she grins. "You look tasty."

And Billy laughs as he accepts the passed over name tag so he can affix it to his shirt.

"When have I not been a snack?" he asks before nodding to Carol. "See you inside later."

Then he heads past her into the gym and feels the eyes turning on him.

Billy Hargrove had come back to Hawkins High School. Now he just needed to make it through the night. Maybe it would be easier this time, because so much of the old arrogance and steel had been worked off of him, just leaving a softer, happier man in its place.

Comments

[crawlingbackwards]

All those years ago part of Steve had been pissed when Billy tore out of town, he couldn't really blame him but he wanted to. All the others had faced shit and didn't run but Billy had. In the end however, Max had talked to Steve. Told him what their life was like at home and how Neil could be. She explained things that made Steve's chest hurt and he felt bad for being so mad. Who wouldn't run when confronted with nightmares and horror terrors on top of having terrors at home too?

The years had passed, Vecna defeated, and things finally seemed to quiet down. Steve stayed in Hawkins, looking after the brats while they grew up and being there when Robin returned from going away for college. Or maybe she came back for him? No one really knew. People still thought they were an item but that changed when Steve started seeing a girl pretty regularly. They hit it off great at first, but it wasn't long before the night terrors, the paranoia, and everything he couldn't tell her became to much.

Even with a little nugget of their own. A girl with curly brown hair like her dads and her moms green eyes. Elizabeth or Lizzie, Lizard if you were Eddie or Robin. When his at the time fiancé left Steve with their daughter it was hard, being a single dad had never been on his list of life goals but here he was.

When he got the invitation for the school reunion, Steve almost didn't go. He had papers to grade and he didn't want to leave Lizzie alone all night. Of course upon hearing this Robin demanded he went. She'd take care of the kiddo and he could always grade papers later. It was fine. She couldn't go but she wanted to know all the drama from the people who were coming back. Sure some had stuck around like Carol, Tommy, and a few others but there were also a bunch who hadn't. Not that either of them knew that someone had managed to find Billy Hargrove of all people.

Billy, that was a name that made Steve think. He remembered the day that Dustin blew into his office at the school waving a card that he had gotten in some pack. The picture looked all too familiar to the thing they had faced all those years ago. And the artist 'William Hargrove'. Steve said it had to be a coincidence but Dustin was the same as always. He refused to believe it could be anyone else. Which was an interesting little thing to think about, Billy Hargrove...an artist. One that apparently Will was starting to follow closely.

Going to the party was like stepping back in time. Sure he had been in the gym lately, they just had a pep rally the other day and an assemply that he had to be at with his class so of course he'd been there. But now looking at all the familiar faces, some feeling like they hadn't aged a day, Steve felt a familiar claw of anxiety hit his stomach. It was only made worse when he saw Tommy and a few of the old team coming up to clap him on the back and tease him about being a teacher instead of some big time lawyer or something in sports. Steve just laughed it off and took a long swig of his barely cold beer. Tonight was going to suck.

Or that's what he thought until the gymnasium doors swung open and none other than Billy Fucking Hargrove just strutted in like he still owned the place. It was enough to make Steve choke on his drink as the guys next to him saw the ex-usurper king and cheered.

"Well fuck...I owe Robin twenty bucks....this might actually get interesting."

[california_dreaming]

A cheer. A fucking cheer. Billy laughs under his breath, offers and acknowledging nod across the room and... Paused. Looking at the source of the noise meant seeing a familiar head of hair as well, and damn, what do you do with that? Honestly, if he had to point out someone just barely more likely to be here than him, it would have been Harrington. No way the guy with the money and awareness of monsters wouldn't have bailed.

Yet there he was, across the gym. The last time they had seen each other... A few days short of ten years ago. No, he didn't want to think about it. The nightmares were bad enough even now without confronting someone else who knew what went bump in the night. What Billy had done.

He kept telling himself it wasn't his fault, that he hadn't made the decisions, that he wasn't in charge of his own body. Every year he made a little memorial in his apartment, remembered the names and the faces, the lives lost at his hands, even if it wasn't his will.

Don't stare, he tells himself. Just gives Harrington the smallest of nods and moves over for the refreshment table. Why hadn't he pregamed this?

[crawlingbackwards]

The old team crowded around Steve, basically herding him in the direction of Billy much to his annoyance. He only allowed it because it gave him a reason to listen in without it being way more awkward than it could have been.

"Hey now there is a guy who looks like he's making a name for himself!" Tommy jeered, elbowing Steve who pushed back, finally stepping out of the mod. "Unlike Stevie boy here."

"Shut it Hagan," Steve rolled his eyes, glancing at Billy before moving to get a refill on his own drink. "Long time no see Hargrove."

There's nothing accusatory in Steve's tone and in fact it seems friendlier directed at Billy than it had been at the others. "Max didn't mention you'd be in town."

[california_dreaming]

Well damn. Billy barely had his hands on a beer before they descended. The Jockening. And of course Hagan actually goes immediately into something akin to hostility, and Billy sips his beer.

Could be easy to go full 'King of the School' and jeer right back. But he's had time, distance, healing. So instead he gives a soft smile.

"Oh, I'm making a name," he promises Hagan. "Just not in places you would find it. And not everyone wants their name up in lights or whatever, Hagan. Some of us are glad to be alive and living our best lives."

He does offer Steve his own look and smile.

"She doesn't know. Don't ruin the surprise. Even Susan isn't telling her until she comes over for dinner tomorrow."

[crawlingbackwards]

The softer look on Billy has Steve's eyebrows raised, looking at the other from over his cup he glances at the rest who laugh and carry on between them. Tommy sort of sneers, looks like he's about to make a comment only to get dragged away by Carol who winks at Billy.

It takes a while for the rest of the jocks to clear away before it's just Steve and Billy left milling at the table and Steve shakes his head.

"I'm not about to tell her, but you know she's gonna be pissed at me for it." He laughs, setting his cup down and pulling out his wallet to fish out a small card. "Places Hagan wouldn't find it right? Like a few cards or certain books?" He held it out. "Dustin would kill me if I didn't ask if it really was you. Lucas and Mike think there's no way, Dustin and Will are on the other side." He kept smiling even as he put away his wallet and picked his cup of mediocre beer back up.

"You look good."

[california_dreaming]

Way to go Carol. Billy offers a wink back, because he's happy to encourage the good behavior in her. And he had driven too far to put up with Tommy's BS. In the mean time he does his best to keep the conversation going with the other jocks, even while he avoids deeper conversation topics, turning things back on them with impressive social dexterity. He was a lot better at that stuff these days than he had been in the past.

With the others gone Steve's finally free, apparently, to hear about Max.

"Oh, she's free to be pissed, but we're making white lasagna so she'll just have to deal," he says with a shrug that is all peace and no gruffness. Like he's zenned out. Or maybe high. But he's definitely not the latter.

What he isn't expecting, while he's sipping the beer, is Steve's comment. Or the damn card? Holy shit. He doesn't choke on it though. That's a small miracle.

"Shit," he says, lowering his cup. What in the world. "Didn't know you were into card games, Pretty Boy."

He takes a moment to consider the old nickname and shakes his head.

"Pretty Guy. Guess you grew up. Somehow not shocked the kiddos got into it. The Wizards pay the bills. The games' been growing since it came out two years ago. Great employer for painters who specialize in certain things. Can't pay all the way, but it helps."

When he takes the card to see which one it was, he winces.

"This one, huh. It's why I ended up on the call back list. One of their art department guys saw a small showing of mine and... Well, stuff happened."

[crawlingbackwards]

Taking in the way Billy moved and talked had Steve more and more surprised with each passing moment. How could this possibly be the same person who fled Hawkins almost ten years ago? The same person who he fought in the Byer's kitchen, the reason they had to replace part of the floor between the bat holes and the blood stains. It was weird but also, nice?

"Wha-no no I don't play. Dustin and the boys are obsessed with it though. I mean they've been playing Dungeons and Dragons since before I met them. Will's been following your art, apparently it's something of an inspiration for him." Tucking the card back away Steve laughed.

"We both have grown. What happened to the cocky jackass that used to strut around the school? You seem....happier."

[california_dreaming]

Wait, what? Billy looks at Steve in confusion.

"Will. That's... baby Byers, right?"

Fuck, he'd only lived in this town for something like nine or ten months, so the names for Steve's little gremlins weren't exactly all in his head. Hearing that anyone might find his often nightmarishly dark art for the cards inspiring was just shocking.

"Here," he says, gesturing for the card again. "Just let me do something with that for a moment, okay?"

And he is producing a marker from his pocket. It's wrong to go out into the world without some art supplies. It's just wrong.

"That cocky jackass was making his best of a shit situation. Being dragged out here as punishment for being alive wasn't going to make for the nicest guy. Though I wasn't so good before that either."

The answer was escaping his father, and even a few years of therapy.

[crawlingbackwards]

Handing the card back over Steve nodded. "Yeah that's the one. He's an artist too. Good kid, sweet, quiet, but also a total gremlin like the rest of them." Steve's tone is fond as he talks about the kids, sort of like a dad preening about his kids. Because really that's what he felt like sometimes. Sure he was the babysitter but he watched them all grow up. Watched them become the people they were today.

"Yeah? I mean...I can see it. Glad getting out of here helped. This place is a blackhole, hell look at me. Still here and teaching Health and Gym now. Can't escape it." At least he didn't have to worry about his parents any more, and the constant darkness that used to lurk around the corners of his vision. "Seriously, Billy, you look good. I'm happy for you."

[california_dreaming]

Billy turns to the refreshment table and puts the card down before uncapping the marker. He's been asked to do this once before, and it probably won't make the card valuable or anything, but he does sign it with a quick scrawl. Once that's done, he hands it back to Steve.

"Give that to him, next time you see him," he says. "And if he wants the original I still have it in my storage unit."

Hadn't been able to part with it. Couldn't bear to look at it as much. But Byers might benefit from it in his own way. Once the marker is away he's left to smile at Steve.

"Do you enjoy your work?"

He's not engaging with the 'you look good' or the 'i'm happy for you' because back home those would be words that might get him taking a guy to a bar or a club, and here... It's a long weekend. He's not stirring shit by preening and he refuses to blush. He was run out of town by his father and the Mindflayer once. No way he's letting pitchforks and people shouting about 'corrupting the youth' get him now.

[crawlingbackwards]

It doesn't go unnoticed how Billy doesn't respond to the compliments. Back then Steve would imagine Billy to have preened and jeered back at Steve. Calling him Pretty Boy and telling him he could only wish to look half as good as Billy. Now though, now he seemed to completely ignore the compliments. It felt weird, like he was avoiding something. Instead of pushing Steve just let it go. At the question about liking his job Steve sort of brightened.

"I mean, it's better than slinging ice cream or rewinding tapes that people are too lazy to do themselves." He jokes. "But really, I do. I was thinking about switching to elementary though...the older I get the more teenagers scare me." Laughing he pulled out his wallet to tuck the card in again, stashing it behind a small picture of a cute girl with curly hair and a button nose. Will was going to be too excited when he got the card.

"Oh, year after you left Lucas, uh Sinclair, ended up sending our team to the Finals. Pretty big, first time in like twenty years I think. Made the winning shot and everything his freshman year."

[california_dreaming]

Yeah, that brightness, that's what he thought he'd find. Billy smiles at it, because it was good to see the mopey Harrington finding something good. A smile that fades a bit when he sees the obvious 'dad picture of their kid' signs. Right. Harrington was straight as hell. Though he doesn't see a ring on that hand. Or even a tan line.

"If you're enjoying it, it's not a black hole. But thinking back, younger might do you good," he agrees. Which probably means back to school or something. People made choices like that all the time.

"Guess Maxine knew how to pick them. Just glad Neil didn't scare him off of her."

[crawlingbackwards]

Steve misses the look on Billy's face as he tucks away his wallet and continues to laugh.

"I mean, I enjoy my job. Not so much this town. It's quieted down though, so that's nice. Things," He gives Billy a knowing look but doesn't elaborate. "Stopped happening and the place healed."

It was easier talking about Max and the rest of the brats, that was for sure.

"Oh they were on and off for at least a year, but Lucas worships her. And Neil...well he didn't stick around that much longer after you left. Felt bad for Max's mom...Susan? She's a sweet lady, but she took it really hard. I don't know how much you two have talked. I'm glad she's been better lately though." Laughing he shook his head. "Sometimes I swear Max took up some of your habits after you left. I think you had way more influence on her than you might have known."

[california_dreaming]

"Speaking from experience, you're not obligated to stay," he reminds Steve. Sometimes you had to be a bat out of hell. Even if this place was apparently 'healed'.

Huh. Apparently it was news to him that Neil hadn't stuck around. And Billy didn't quite know what to do with that. Other than be grateful that Susan and Max had been safe. Probably accounted for Susan's new place actually. But they hadn't talked about Neil. Pointedly hadn't talked about Neil.

"Barely talked at all. Been sending her checks now and then, you know, help out. The... government settlement got me started, but I was worried about her and Max. Figured she needed a bit of something more Neil wouldn't know about."

And that was of course how he'd gotten his invitation to this. Susan had forwarded it along to him.

"What, Max started fights?"

[crawlingbackwards]

"Maybe not, but it's hard for me. Between the kids and...I mean it's a stable place for Lizzie so...I don't know. I guess I just settled." He shrugged looking out over the crowd to see that there were eyes on them. Of course there were, the two had fought like cats and dogs back in high school and now they seemed perfectly fine with one another?

"I mean, she didn't really start them but she sure learned to finish them. Even if she wasn't a part of them to begin with. Not to mention she's fucking stubborn."

[california_dreaming]

Lizzie. Definitely a nickname for a kid. So that's got to be the little girl. Billy's too busy thinking about that to even notice the attention. No doubt he'll be forced to deal with that soon. The women who remembered her reputation and probably wanted a piece of him for old time's sake.

He sighs and raises his hand to scratch at the back of his head. Which of course loosens the bun some and while he doesn't mean for it to happen, a curl slips loose. Always the issue when he put it up so fast.

"Guess similarities can be gained with familiarity. Makes me wonder how you haven't graduated to proper nerd yet."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Trust me, I've been fighting tooth an nail." Steve laughed again, looking from the crowd to Billy in time to see the hair fall into his face and watch the strand.

"Started hanging out with Eddie Munson too, king of the nerds and freaks that one. Great guy though, and man...between him and Dustin I still can't believe I haven't gone to the dark side." Shaking his head Steve shifts his feet and looks towards one of the tables. "Uh, wanna sit? Or shall I leave you to the adoring fans that are sure to want to talk to you?" He jerked his head towards a few of the people who seemed keen on inching closer towards the pair.

Steve would rather sit and talk with Billy, see what he's been up to all these years. But he also knows that he's not the only one there wanting to see how Billy is.

[california_dreaming]

Munson? Consider Billy's eyebrows in his hair line now. That was far from expected.

"Didn't the news say something about how he might be a cult leader before it flipped and..."

Oh. Oh.

"It was more of that stuff, wasn't it? And he just got blamed for it. Makes sense. He always struck me as pretty harmless."

The very gesture toward a table has Billy considering. Until he hears 'adoring fans'. Then he's absolutely moving for it with a gesture for Steve to follow.

"I'm very much not the guy I was back then. So I'd rather not have the harpies descend until I'm liquored up enough to have that be a turn off."

[crawlingbackwards]

"What, small town girls just don't do it for ya?" Steve teased, following Billy's lead to one of the tables before sitting and playing with his cup. "Me neither really..."

He waits until he's sure no one is really listening to them before answering about Eddie.

"Yeah okay so that 'cult' was literally their little Dungeons and Dragons club. That whole Satanic Panic thing that was going on had them all freaked. There was a full on man hunt for the poor guy. It was...it was something from there that was doing it and he was just unlucky enough for the first attack to literally take place in his living room." Steve thought back to that spring break. How it would have been nice to have someone else there. How he had been so afraid for the kids the entire time.

"Totally harmless, so long as you're not being mean to his sheepies. I was so jealous of him for a time. So sure that Dustin had replaced me with someone way cooler." Drinking his beer Steve shook his head again. "I'm just glad all that is over."

[california_dreaming]

"They don't," he agrees. But the part that is the problem is less the 'small town' and more the 'girls'. Which, of course, he can't say. Though he was intrigued by Steve saying that didn't work for him either.

Single dad? Was that possible? No, no that didn't seem right.

"IF it helps, neither you nor Munson were cool by the time we graduated, so I doubt that changed," Billy teases. It's good to know, though. Very good to know. Maybe his dreams could find some peace at last.

"So, other than the work, what are you doing? Kid obviously. No ring, so you and the Mrs. on the outs?"

[crawlingbackwards]

Blinking Steve watched Billy for a moment before nodding. Taking out his wallet his fished out the little picture of the girl to slide it across the table.

"Her names Elizabeth but I just call her Lizzie." He started, taking a large swallow of his beer before he continued. "Her mom and I split up. Well, she left. Apparently trauma isn't a good look on a future husband."

There's a bitter sort of laugh before Steve shakes his head. "We had some classes together in high school, she moved back to help her parents and we reconnected. It was good for about two years? Lizzie was born and...there were some pretty bad storms that caused the power to go out and I started having nightmares again. I got paranoid and...nightmares turned into night terrors. She was suffering from...I think the doctors called it postpartum depression? She didn't handle it well and ended up leaving me. I woke up to a note and the engagement ring, couple weeks later her lawyer gave me papers she had signed giving up parental rights to Lizzie."

By the end he's sort of staring into his beer, eyes not really seeing it as he thought about how everything had gone down.

"Robin moved back out and has been helping me. Her and Vickie are great with Liz, Eddie calls her Lizard and adores her. It's actually really cute. Well, when he's in town. I think he's on tour with his band right now."

Taking a deep breath Steve sat back and looked up at Billy with a smile that looked a little more pained around the edges but still had some of that brightness in it from talking about his daughter. "The old Steve Harrington just ain't suited for a relationship apparently. But just like before, I make a better babysitter than a boyfriend. Or I guess in this case a better dad."

[california_dreaming]

"Not unless you can monetize the trauma," Billy mumbles. That's what he had done. Didn't make relationships stick, but at least you were forgiven for being 'dark and brooding'. Not that he was dark. Brooding? Yes.

But fuck. Billy actually looks a little sick to hear about a mother abandoning a child. Hit too close to home. Far too close.

"Sounds like she wasn't good enough for you or your daughter," Billy says, because he's not okay with Steve cutting himself down. Billy knows just how protective of brats Steve was. Had heard enough, even after the fight. So it's clearly on the mother in this one.

[crawlingbackwards]

"Heh yeah, well unlike you and Will I'm not all that artistically inclined. And I'm not that great at music like Eddie so...I just talk to my therapist and take care of my kids. I try to be there for them if they need me, even if they're all adults now."

"Last I heard she moved out to New York, got a job at some law firm or something with a new boyfriend. Good for her." He rolled his eyes again, trying to let the bitterness and tension roll off him. He was here to have fun and getting to catch up with someone who got it. Robin would be pissed if he came back in a foul mood.

"But seriously, Lizzie's just my reminder that I don't have to look for love. Y'know? I have family and if someone wants to come along and be a part of that then sure. But it's not a requirement."

He shifts a bit before continuing.

"What about you? Any lucky someone back home in Cali? Someone waiting for you?"

[california_dreaming]

Damn right they're adults. At this point the four to five year age gap doesn't even seem all that important. Basically the same age. But those old bonds are always hard to change.

"Don't assume you're done with all that. Sometimes love comes out of nowhere, when you're not expecting it. Or some other artistic shit like that," he laughs. "There's so many songs about it. Hell, there's Corrod-"

No. Wait. Billy's having a moment of revelation here. Can't mention Corroded Coffin without thinking about the band and thus the lead guitar and...

"Holy shit that's Eddie Munson," he laughs. Wow, okay, small world. Wasn't expecting that. "Well, that solves a mystery I didn't even know I had. Anyway, you're probably still a catch, and love will probably find you if you really want it. But you don't have to spend your time chasing it when you've got a kid to look after."

As for him. Billy just rolls his shoulders in a shrug.

"Just my dog and a friend who crashes on my couch sometimes named Argyle. Fucking socks, right? I've got my art, and given how often I'm covered in paint, and always covered in scars, hasn't seemed worth chasing more than a night here or there with people."

[crawlingbackwards]

Steve laughed as Billy was realizing that the lead guitar of Corroded Coffin and Eddie "The Freak" Munson were one and the same.

"That's him alright, and yeah I know. I've been to a few of their concerts...and practices." Steve shrugged, he may not have been a fan of metal but Eddie was a friend so of course he had to be there to support him. "That's what I mean though, I'm not like...completely giving up. Just...not searching. Besides my tastes are..." He pauses a bit, looking Billy over and the mention of Eddie and not to mention...wait...

"Wait a minute. You have a friend named Argyle? In California? What are the fucking odds....Jonathan came back here after he and his family moved out there and he had his buddy with him. His name was Argyle. Total stoner, drove a pizza van all the way from Lenora Hills out here." There was no way it could have been the same chill guy. Right?