Take Me Back (Deja Vu) -- For @crawlingbackwards

[california_dreaming]

Hawkins, Indiana. Friday, June 30th, 1995.

Ten years ago to the day a young lifeguard was kidnapped by her coworker from the pool, an act that ultimately led to hear death. Ten years and one day ago, the life of a particular asshole from California had been changed forever. Later on he'd blown out of town, not looking back, unable to face the horrors that the now infamously cursed town had in store.

A bit under a year later he read newspapers about a state of emergency that almost made him get back in his beat Ford Escort and drive back. But no. Nothing could ever get him to go back to that hellhole. That's what he told himself.

Hilarious that ten years to the day that his life had been ruined he had done just that, holing up in a hotel for some sleep to recover before what would be yet another life changing weekend in the cursed town. His ten year high school reunion. Hell, Billy didn't even know for sure just how the invitation had gotten to him. Someone must have found his contact information, because it had come and for a laugh he'd agreed.

Mostly because it was long past due when he should check in on Max, and he'd heard she might be in town checking on Susan. The drive was nice too. Good for inspiration. He'd taken it slower than the trip back to California, stopping at points with great views, hauling out a sketchbook, and getting ideas down on paper when he needed it. Never knew when some small detail would create something beautiful. Or terrible. Worked either way. Still gets into town, crashes on the couch in Susan's place after a meal (she'd actually gotten a bit better at cocking, who could have expected it), and then prepares for what comes next.


Billy Hargrove knows how to make an entrance. Has already made one in this small town before, but he does it now for old time's sake. Waits until he'll be half an hour late, so he can ensure all eyes are on him. If he's going to be back in this place of nightmares and memories, he wanted to live out some of the good ones. Which means tearing into the school parking lot in his blue and white Chevy Chevelle, engine roaring, music blaring. Barely anyone is outside of the school building, already headed into the gym, but the few who are...

Oh the looks he gets. They know this entrance. They know what it means. And before he even gets out of the car he knows there are whispers. But he does get out, smooths his fitted and well worn jeans over his legs as he does so. Back then he'd be in some shirt he hadn't bothered to do up all the way. These days he's still too mindful of old scars, choosing instead to have one where he can have the sleeves up and the buttons all done, like self respect. After a moment to psych himself up he gets out and makes for the gym.

"Well damn, Carol, you sure aged like fine wine," he says as he comes to a stop at the check in desk, smiling down at her. She looks so shocked. Like she can't believe he's here. Neither can Billy. But he keeps smiling and she reaches for a badge that is really deep in the box, like no one expected it to be needed.

"You too," she says as she hands it up. "Like what you did with your hair."

Billy reaches up, considers the curls. They're bleached more blonde than ever from all the sun back home, just as changed by California as he had been. But when he touches it he almost laughs. Apparently he'd forgotten to pull his hair out of the sloppy bun he'd put it in earlier while helping tidy a bit around Susan's place. Even reaches for the tie when Carol shakes her head.

"Oh no. Leave it like that," she grins. "You look tasty."

And Billy laughs as he accepts the passed over name tag so he can affix it to his shirt.

"When have I not been a snack?" he asks before nodding to Carol. "See you inside later."

Then he heads past her into the gym and feels the eyes turning on him.

Billy Hargrove had come back to Hawkins High School. Now he just needed to make it through the night. Maybe it would be easier this time, because so much of the old arrogance and steel had been worked off of him, just leaving a softer, happier man in its place.

Comments

[california_dreaming]

"Speaking from experience, you're not obligated to stay," he reminds Steve. Sometimes you had to be a bat out of hell. Even if this place was apparently 'healed'.

Huh. Apparently it was news to him that Neil hadn't stuck around. And Billy didn't quite know what to do with that. Other than be grateful that Susan and Max had been safe. Probably accounted for Susan's new place actually. But they hadn't talked about Neil. Pointedly hadn't talked about Neil.

"Barely talked at all. Been sending her checks now and then, you know, help out. The... government settlement got me started, but I was worried about her and Max. Figured she needed a bit of something more Neil wouldn't know about."

And that was of course how he'd gotten his invitation to this. Susan had forwarded it along to him.

"What, Max started fights?"

[crawlingbackwards]

"Maybe not, but it's hard for me. Between the kids and...I mean it's a stable place for Lizzie so...I don't know. I guess I just settled." He shrugged looking out over the crowd to see that there were eyes on them. Of course there were, the two had fought like cats and dogs back in high school and now they seemed perfectly fine with one another?

"I mean, she didn't really start them but she sure learned to finish them. Even if she wasn't a part of them to begin with. Not to mention she's fucking stubborn."

[california_dreaming]

Lizzie. Definitely a nickname for a kid. So that's got to be the little girl. Billy's too busy thinking about that to even notice the attention. No doubt he'll be forced to deal with that soon. The women who remembered her reputation and probably wanted a piece of him for old time's sake.

He sighs and raises his hand to scratch at the back of his head. Which of course loosens the bun some and while he doesn't mean for it to happen, a curl slips loose. Always the issue when he put it up so fast.

"Guess similarities can be gained with familiarity. Makes me wonder how you haven't graduated to proper nerd yet."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Trust me, I've been fighting tooth an nail." Steve laughed again, looking from the crowd to Billy in time to see the hair fall into his face and watch the strand.

"Started hanging out with Eddie Munson too, king of the nerds and freaks that one. Great guy though, and man...between him and Dustin I still can't believe I haven't gone to the dark side." Shaking his head Steve shifts his feet and looks towards one of the tables. "Uh, wanna sit? Or shall I leave you to the adoring fans that are sure to want to talk to you?" He jerked his head towards a few of the people who seemed keen on inching closer towards the pair.

Steve would rather sit and talk with Billy, see what he's been up to all these years. But he also knows that he's not the only one there wanting to see how Billy is.

[california_dreaming]

Munson? Consider Billy's eyebrows in his hair line now. That was far from expected.

"Didn't the news say something about how he might be a cult leader before it flipped and..."

Oh. Oh.

"It was more of that stuff, wasn't it? And he just got blamed for it. Makes sense. He always struck me as pretty harmless."

The very gesture toward a table has Billy considering. Until he hears 'adoring fans'. Then he's absolutely moving for it with a gesture for Steve to follow.

"I'm very much not the guy I was back then. So I'd rather not have the harpies descend until I'm liquored up enough to have that be a turn off."

[crawlingbackwards]

"What, small town girls just don't do it for ya?" Steve teased, following Billy's lead to one of the tables before sitting and playing with his cup. "Me neither really..."

He waits until he's sure no one is really listening to them before answering about Eddie.

"Yeah okay so that 'cult' was literally their little Dungeons and Dragons club. That whole Satanic Panic thing that was going on had them all freaked. There was a full on man hunt for the poor guy. It was...it was something from there that was doing it and he was just unlucky enough for the first attack to literally take place in his living room." Steve thought back to that spring break. How it would have been nice to have someone else there. How he had been so afraid for the kids the entire time.

"Totally harmless, so long as you're not being mean to his sheepies. I was so jealous of him for a time. So sure that Dustin had replaced me with someone way cooler." Drinking his beer Steve shook his head again. "I'm just glad all that is over."

[california_dreaming]

"They don't," he agrees. But the part that is the problem is less the 'small town' and more the 'girls'. Which, of course, he can't say. Though he was intrigued by Steve saying that didn't work for him either.

Single dad? Was that possible? No, no that didn't seem right.

"IF it helps, neither you nor Munson were cool by the time we graduated, so I doubt that changed," Billy teases. It's good to know, though. Very good to know. Maybe his dreams could find some peace at last.

"So, other than the work, what are you doing? Kid obviously. No ring, so you and the Mrs. on the outs?"

[crawlingbackwards]

Blinking Steve watched Billy for a moment before nodding. Taking out his wallet his fished out the little picture of the girl to slide it across the table.

"Her names Elizabeth but I just call her Lizzie." He started, taking a large swallow of his beer before he continued. "Her mom and I split up. Well, she left. Apparently trauma isn't a good look on a future husband."

There's a bitter sort of laugh before Steve shakes his head. "We had some classes together in high school, she moved back to help her parents and we reconnected. It was good for about two years? Lizzie was born and...there were some pretty bad storms that caused the power to go out and I started having nightmares again. I got paranoid and...nightmares turned into night terrors. She was suffering from...I think the doctors called it postpartum depression? She didn't handle it well and ended up leaving me. I woke up to a note and the engagement ring, couple weeks later her lawyer gave me papers she had signed giving up parental rights to Lizzie."

By the end he's sort of staring into his beer, eyes not really seeing it as he thought about how everything had gone down.

"Robin moved back out and has been helping me. Her and Vickie are great with Liz, Eddie calls her Lizard and adores her. It's actually really cute. Well, when he's in town. I think he's on tour with his band right now."

Taking a deep breath Steve sat back and looked up at Billy with a smile that looked a little more pained around the edges but still had some of that brightness in it from talking about his daughter. "The old Steve Harrington just ain't suited for a relationship apparently. But just like before, I make a better babysitter than a boyfriend. Or I guess in this case a better dad."

[california_dreaming]

"Not unless you can monetize the trauma," Billy mumbles. That's what he had done. Didn't make relationships stick, but at least you were forgiven for being 'dark and brooding'. Not that he was dark. Brooding? Yes.

But fuck. Billy actually looks a little sick to hear about a mother abandoning a child. Hit too close to home. Far too close.

"Sounds like she wasn't good enough for you or your daughter," Billy says, because he's not okay with Steve cutting himself down. Billy knows just how protective of brats Steve was. Had heard enough, even after the fight. So it's clearly on the mother in this one.

[crawlingbackwards]

"Heh yeah, well unlike you and Will I'm not all that artistically inclined. And I'm not that great at music like Eddie so...I just talk to my therapist and take care of my kids. I try to be there for them if they need me, even if they're all adults now."

"Last I heard she moved out to New York, got a job at some law firm or something with a new boyfriend. Good for her." He rolled his eyes again, trying to let the bitterness and tension roll off him. He was here to have fun and getting to catch up with someone who got it. Robin would be pissed if he came back in a foul mood.

"But seriously, Lizzie's just my reminder that I don't have to look for love. Y'know? I have family and if someone wants to come along and be a part of that then sure. But it's not a requirement."

He shifts a bit before continuing.

"What about you? Any lucky someone back home in Cali? Someone waiting for you?"

[california_dreaming]

Damn right they're adults. At this point the four to five year age gap doesn't even seem all that important. Basically the same age. But those old bonds are always hard to change.

"Don't assume you're done with all that. Sometimes love comes out of nowhere, when you're not expecting it. Or some other artistic shit like that," he laughs. "There's so many songs about it. Hell, there's Corrod-"

No. Wait. Billy's having a moment of revelation here. Can't mention Corroded Coffin without thinking about the band and thus the lead guitar and...

"Holy shit that's Eddie Munson," he laughs. Wow, okay, small world. Wasn't expecting that. "Well, that solves a mystery I didn't even know I had. Anyway, you're probably still a catch, and love will probably find you if you really want it. But you don't have to spend your time chasing it when you've got a kid to look after."

As for him. Billy just rolls his shoulders in a shrug.

"Just my dog and a friend who crashes on my couch sometimes named Argyle. Fucking socks, right? I've got my art, and given how often I'm covered in paint, and always covered in scars, hasn't seemed worth chasing more than a night here or there with people."

[crawlingbackwards]

Steve laughed as Billy was realizing that the lead guitar of Corroded Coffin and Eddie "The Freak" Munson were one and the same.

"That's him alright, and yeah I know. I've been to a few of their concerts...and practices." Steve shrugged, he may not have been a fan of metal but Eddie was a friend so of course he had to be there to support him. "That's what I mean though, I'm not like...completely giving up. Just...not searching. Besides my tastes are..." He pauses a bit, looking Billy over and the mention of Eddie and not to mention...wait...

"Wait a minute. You have a friend named Argyle? In California? What are the fucking odds....Jonathan came back here after he and his family moved out there and he had his buddy with him. His name was Argyle. Total stoner, drove a pizza van all the way from Lenora Hills out here." There was no way it could have been the same chill guy. Right?

[california_dreaming]

His tastes are what? Why are there eyes on him in that moment? No, Harrington, go back because you've got a little flutter of hope going on in Billy's still broad chest.

Then again... Steve's talking about the name like it means something. And the man he's describing... Billy laughs. Holy shit. Lenora Hills wasn't too far from the LA area so it's really possible.

"You telling me that Arg knows about shit? I could have been talking about my shit and I wasn't?"

[crawlingbackwards]

"Knows about it? The man helped El have some weird mind fight from a dough freezer." Steve laughed, leaning in as he finished his beer and shook his head. The more he heard who Billy was friends with the more Steve felt like maybe it could be safe? Between that, the good memories, and the beer...Steve was feeling a little more brave than usual.

"Well, like I was saying. My tastes are a little more...similar to...I mean if you know Eddie? He's...introduced me to people. At a few of his gigs. Back before he was touring more and just played in like, Indiana?" That was a safe way to put it right? And hopefully Billy got the hint. God he could only hope because the last thing he needed was to be wrong and the blonde to blow up here of all places.

[california_dreaming]

Dough freezer? What the actual fuck? That's something he's going to have to ask Arg about when he gets home. Even wants to ask about it only for Steve to...

Well, leave things in a place where Billy has to contemplate what he's saying. And that's definitely a whole thing. Enough of one to make him raise an eyebrow and look around. Like this was a secret that shouldn't be offered out.

"My tastes only run... half-way along his lines," Billy admits.

[crawlingbackwards]

"Yeah?" Steve looked a little surprised and then, relieved. His shoulders seemed to relax more as he made to take a drink from his cup only to realize it was empty.

"Robin and I got close after the fiasco before you left, then we got closer the rest of that year. Her and Eddie talked to me about things and...I guess stuff started to click, some of high school definitely made more sense." Like the apparent sexual tension between him and Billy that Robin had mentioned sensing but never talked about until everything was over and Billy was long gone. "Sadly living out here makes it...hard...but Indianapolis is pretty nice. I keep thinking about moving out there since it's just an hour away."

He sort of chuckles. "I think the way Eddie put it was, 'some people like pepsi and some people like coke, and then there are the people who like both'. It's so simplified but it works."

[california_dreaming]

"Like telling me not the cream my pants just from seeing you?" Billy can't help but tease.

Oh yes, that one makes a lot more sense now and this time when he smiles it is with that wide grin that promises everything. Things he knows he can deliver.

"Move. Cities are a bit easier. California is a fucking dream. San Fran is high on the list but LA is the center of entertainment in most cases so you can't throw a rock without hitting someone who likes Coke."

So, you know, just advice.

"Though you did mention not wanting to seek shit out anymore. You'd have to still seek there. Even with your cute glasses."

[crawlingbackwards]

"To be fair, you were the one who asked if you were dreaming. Didn't know I featured." Steve teased right back, easily becoming more comfortable in the conversation as he laughed and shook his head.

"Maybe after Lizzie's older, for now I want something stable and you're right...I'm not looking. If it happens it happens, but it's not gonna just happen here." reaching up Steve fiddled with his glasses with a sigh. He'd worn them for long enough now that he forgot he hadn't had them in high school.

"They're not cute," He muttered, fighting down the flush that tried to creep onto his cheeks.

[california_dreaming]

"A prominent role," Billy assures him. How can he not when he knows this is allowed?

"They are. Who is the better judge of aesthetics here, Harrington? The self conscious teacher who has clearly been failed by the women in his life, or the artist?"

The answer is clear. And with that said he gets to his feet.

"I should mingle. Because if I let myself look at your hair and smile and glasses and blush any longer, I'm going to say things that can get me run out of town."

[crawlingbackwards]

And oh does that blush only get deeper, between the admission to Billy flat out flirting with him Steve can't help it. Clearing his throat he nods once again raising his empty cup to his lips only to roll his eyes at himself.

"Hey uh, how long are you in town for? Maybe...maybe you can swing by? I still live in the same house. You can come by...re-meet Robin? We can hang out and talk? You can tell me more about California?" He didn't want to just let Billy leave without saying something, even if it still left it more up to Billy. For all he knew the blonde could leave town and he'd never see him again. That would suck but...he'd also understand.

[california_dreaming]

"The weekend," he says. Which means at least another two days. He smiles at Steve from where he's standing, looking a bit pleased with the question. "Don't know Robin, never met her. But yeah. I could do that if you want. Check in with me before you leave. Or before I leave. We'll figure something out."

[crawlingbackwards]

"Right..." She was only Steve's best friend in the entire world and one more person who helped Steve figure out a lot about himself. Granted he almost forgets for a moment that Billy never would have seen her much in school.

"Cool, yeah, I'll come find you later. Or you can come find me...whichever works." Why did he feel so much more nervous than before!? He felt like a teenager asking out a cute guy. As Billy left the table Steve ran his hands through his hair and over his face under his glasses. Who knew that Billy Hargrove had chilled out so much and had ended up being so...calm? Sure everyone knew the man was handsome back in school but...actually flirting back with Steve? In public even! Sure they were being careful enough but still.

He had to tell Eddie and Robin about this. They'd never let him live it down. Getting up from the table Steve made his way over to the refreshments table again to get a refill and something to snack on while mingling with some of their classmates. Sure he hadn't gotten along with his old friends any more but it was better than nothing.

[california_dreaming]

There's a lot of people who want to see him, who want to talk to him. So many people that try and corner him out and Billy doesn't bother trying to stop them. Talks again, whenever people ask. Confesses to being an artist, that he doesn't play basketball anymore, that he still doesn't remember much of that fourth of july ten years ago.

It's jarring. Upsetting to relive it all so many times once more. In the end it's only an hour before Billy is trying to sneak out to get space to breathe away from the mess of people who keep bothering him.

[crawlingbackwards]

Steve knew the look when he saw it. The way Billy was shying away from talk about before he left, the near haunted look he started to get when ever anyone mentioned it. All that mixed with the subject matter of his art, that Steve had seen, made it very obvious to Steve that it all still haunted the young man. The last thing anyone deserved was being reminded of the worst night of their life.

It's after one of the pushier people brings it up that Steve steps in with a frown. "That was a pretty dark time for a lot of us, don't you think it's the wrong place to bring it up." Shifting into the conversation Steve ran a hand through his hair and removed his glasses. "If you ladies don't mind, I need to steal Hargrove for a minute. You still good with cars Billy? Let one of the brats borrow my car and it's been making a weird noise ever since."

The look he gave Billy was one clearly meant to say 'I'm giving you an out, please take it' but he wasn't sure if the blonde would.

[california_dreaming]

Two things Billy wasn't expecting: Steve hovering nearby and Steve stepping in. The first was frustrating, the second made him grateful as all fuck. Even if the excuse was a piss poor one. He nods, weakly, barely even making his polite excuses and definitely not promising to come back and pick up the conversation. There's no chance. Hell, he might not come back in at all. He's done his thing. Wowed people with his still being alive. Made his showing and if this was all the small town wanted to talk about why should he even stay.

"Sure, show me the clunker. Tell me it's not the Beamer still. That shit isn't made for long term."